Late one night a police officer was patrolling a rowdybar to anticipate possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of thebar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.
Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him and turned on his light and pulled the driver over, readhim his rights and administered the breathalyzer test.<唐山羊癫疯治好要多少钱p> 警察已经等这个机会很久了，他打开灯，把司机从车里拉出来，给他宣读了他所享有的法定权利，然后作了酒精的测试。
The test results showed a reading of 0.00.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how could that be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!"
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accidenthe had witnessed.
The judge asked him how far away he was from theaccident.
The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".
"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.
"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me.外伤性癫痫病患者在治疗时，能不能使用手术治疗？ So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.
Do you pay taxes?
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing withthe IRS Tax auditorwho had come to review hisrecords.
At one point the auditor exclaimed,"Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilegeto be allowed tolive and work in the USA.
As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes,and we expect you to eagerly pay them with asmile"
"Thank goodness"returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face,"I thought you were goingto want me to pay with cash."
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stopsign ...hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold.
Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revivedhim.
He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.
Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so.
He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing.
I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody wasstanding in front of the 'S.'